Snowfakes, the Blizzard

Mark C. Marino
4 min readFeb 15, 2017

I’d like to introduce a new term into the vernacular.

snowfakes: n. pl. those who poopoo identity politics due to their anxiety over losing their privilege.

This word, of course, is a response to those who characterize the marginalized as snowflakes — who call those who speak out against injustice “whiners” and “crybabies.”

Yes, they actually use the term crybaby.

And if this Tweet doesn’t show it, perhaps this Google trends graph for the word “crybaby” over the past year:

Search for “crybabies” on Google Trends over past 12 months

But perhaps that seems too coincidental, this chart that spikes right around the election. Maybe people just suddenly became more interested in crybabies — you know, as in infants who are crying because they realize they have no future. But still, the “Related Topics” and “Related Queries” charts suggest the term “crybaby” just might be directed at those who felt America lost the election.

Again, Google trends with topics and queries related to crybabies.

So, just to recap. In contemporary political discourse, an accepted way to respond to those complaining about the state of our country is to call people “crybabies.”

Because we all know, the best way to show you’ve heard and understood someone’s concerns is to call them a crybaby. Shush, you little refugees, you’re just crybabies. Oh, you silly green card holders sent back to a war zone, you’re crybabies. Just duck and cover your crybaby heads and for Newt’s sake stop putting that incoming shrapnel in your mouth!

In other words, please, stop asking for your rights and let me take them for you.

Count me with these Crybabies!

But, this is not a case of those dishing it out being able to take it. In fact, those complaining about the crybabies seem to be behaving a bit more like that particular icy precipitation that melts as soon as it’s blown on.

You see, those very same people complaining about all these “snowflakes” and “crybabies” have said (whined?) that they’re indignant — nay, they are, in fact, hurt — because opponents can fairly easily tar (or tard) their attack on cultural minorities by pointing out the fact of their own whiteness — and the avalanche of privilege that comes with it. But then again, what has any of this got to do with race? Surely, the whiteness of the snowfakes is merely a matter of coincidence.

These are just upright citizens who happen to be white, delivering a message to those who are not: stop complaining — especially muslims and other immigrants of color. Oh, and Black Americans, too.

Yes, people of color, queers and transes of any color, and you, too, race traitors: Stop being snowflakes! Except — oh, Kris Kringle on a Kracker —another coincidence — snowflakes are themselves…white. Huh. Well, don’t that just beat all the pacifists?

Yes, I guess, projection isn’t just for vomiting anymore.

Gratuitous vomiting gif

It’s something failed Presidential candidates can do, too.

Yes, Mike Huckabee has put liberals in their place as have an army of indignant snowfakes who can’t understand why they aren’t being tolerated by the so-called tolerant left.

I suppose it can be scary. To admit the legitimacy of someone else’s claim of injustice opens the doors to a world of icy winds putting a chill on one’s own cozy position. So we close those doors and lock them tight.

Meanwhile, the snow continues to fall.

It’s cold, it’s white, and it’s time to dig out.

Mark C. Marino

writer/researcher of emerging digital writing forms. Prof of Writing @ USC, Dir. of Com. for ELO, Dir. of HaCCS Lab